I am beyond stressed. I am beyond busy. I have a feeble-at-best social life, yet I'm happy most of the time these days. There is something magic about being busy. I will admit, however, that I absolutely cannot wait for the 4th of July weekend. TWO UNADULTERATED DAYS OF RELAXATION.(!!!!)
I dream sometimes of being a beautiful bride, but know that day will not come for a long, long time. And I groan that we as women build up this one day our whole lives, build up that tower so high that nobody and nothing could ever reach our expectations locked up at the very top.
Lately, the idea of buying a house has persisted in remaining inside my brain. It is not the right time to buy a house. I do not have enough of an income to buy a house. Yet the nesting urge is striking fast and furious, and I have an overwhelming desire to decorate and call a place my very own. Sigh. But I guess there's nothing wrong, either, with having things to look forward to achieving. As satisfying as immediate gratification is.
Today I would like to eventually get my Ph.D. in Spanish, with some kind of Latin American studies emphasis. And maybe an Anthropological twist. And other days I want to break into the Fashion Design industry. And even other days I think maybe Deaf Ed. isn't so bad. Spanish is standing out the most right now, though.
Did I ever mention how much teachers have to work their asses off?!!!! I think every kid when they start to reach that ornery, give-teachers-crap phase, should have to plan a full day of class and teach it. We would revolutionize America in this manner.
I love how I'm learning to enjoy life even when it's confusing and I don't have all the answers.
P.S. It is a sad existence at my age to have children's toys scattered throughout the back of my car and to go to bed religiously at 9pm. But I'm happy, mostly.
2 comments:
3 jobs!?!?!? What's the third one? I'm glad that you're enjoying all the business that you've given yourself :)
Definitely feel you on your desires to be married and buy a house. But I disagree that the day of marriage won't come for "a long, long time." I think it just won't come until an unknown time, could be a year, or three, or five, or 10, or 20! I guess now that I'm out of college, I don't have a time set of "I can't get married until ________." I'm just waiting on that right person, but I'm not waiting on the right time. The right time will be when him and I come together, and we know we're supposed to get married, and then we'll skip down the aisle . . . I definitely agree that women build up marriage to be much bigger than it is! Marriage is great, but it's not the end all be all. Marriage adds a lot to your life, but I'm seeing how most married couples deal with lots of problems and concerns throughout their marriage, and it's probably things that couldn't have been prevented before the marriage.
Oh, and then having a house. Man, if I had the income, and time, I would already own a house. I really looked into it, but my decision not to buy just came down to money and stress. I could have bought a help, if I had begged my parents for help with a down payment (which neither was offering) and if I had been ok with the uncertainty and stress of sometimes just scraping by, finding roommates, fixing broken air conditioning units, etc. Ultimately, I decided that even if money wasn't an issue (which it is), it would be too stressful right now for me to own a house. So, I've decided to wait until 1) I have a professional career, where I only work 40 hours a week and make decent money, or 2) I have a husband who can share the responsibly of the house with me.
But yeah, despite the stress and responsibility, it's going to be awesome owning a house :) Definitely a good life goal!
i'm glad your happy, mostly.
busy is a good thing, but definitely try to make at least occasional time for you. never underestimate the importance of time for you.
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