If you don't mind about 80% of the posts being overtly crass, proceed.  But there are some real gems sprinkled in there. 

http://textsfromlastnight.com/ 

A few faves.  I love picturing what the situation must have been to elicit these texts!

(847): Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.

(618): for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.

(228): Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?

(805): Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?

(253): My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?

(860): I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?

a poem for the swingers, a poem for the playgirls of the universe:

I like women who haven't lived with too many men or 

had too many one night stands.

I don't expect a virgin but I simply prefer a woman

who hasn't been rubbed dry by experience.

There is a quality about women who have chosen 

men sparingly;

it appears in their walk

in their eyes

in their laughter and in

their gentleness.

Women who have had many men

seem to choose each next

out of vengeance rather than 

feeling.

When one plays the field, one works against 

all purposes:

one can't create love or 

art.

You're finally left with the same 

commodity

you have given:

nothing. 

Some human beings are delicate things,

some human beings are delicious and wondrous 

things.

If you want to piss on the sun,

go ahead

but leave them

alone.

****

This is lovely.

I don't know where my friend got this; he said he stumbled it.

"If you want to piss on the sun, 

go ahead

but leave them 

alone."

I want to have little videoclips like this of my life.

These are incredible photos.  These make me want to do something colorful like photography for a career.  

Lately I've found myself wishing I had someone to come home to (besides roommates).  It's a gray evening, and I feel lonely after having spent the entire weekend with the loveliest, most fun people.  I find myself wishing for a husband, but I know that's not right for me right now.  I almost didn't want to post this for fear of it sounding needy.  But I don't think neediness is the issue.  I think that it's natural for people to want someone to just be there, even if you're not interacting.  I'm not getting married anytime soon; only thinking.  Just knowing the person you love most in the world is there with you in your home sounds like a wonderful way to live.  

Just a little happy blip to say that I'm excited and feeling positive about life.  : )

There will always be changes I'll probably want to make and dreams I'll wish to fulfill, but right now, in this moment, I'm happy.

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on.  I guess I haven't felt much like posting b/c not many other people have posted a lot lately.  That's not a very good reason for not posting, but I'm a comment snob, what can I say?

In truth, March and this whole semester have been a whirlwind.  I literally do not know where they have gone.  Time flies when you're having......drama and shit tons of homework and trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.  But I can't complain.  What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.  : P  Still, I'm glad my stomach's no longer eating itself due to stress like it was during December, January, and the better part of February.  And there's been some fun thrown in the mix (like spring break to DFW), so it hasn't been bad.

Not gonna lie, I'm still a bit hung up over the fact that I have so much school left, should I decide to follow my current (doctoral) plan.  I'm pretty sure I'm masochistic for voluntarily creating a life plan that involves more school, but I just can't think of another job that even comes close to how much I want to pursue Clinical (or maybe Counseling) Psychology.

I'm currently apartment hunting.  The problem is, all the ones I really want are out of my price range!  : P  But I'm sure that a less plush version will do just fine.  It will be SOOOOO nice to finally have my own place.  And not that I'm thinking of tying the knot anytime soon, but I can't imagine getting married and never having lived on my own.  I guess I've always known that's something I want to do before I get hitched.  So I may get it out of the way early, heh.  By the way, does anyone in the appropriate marrying age-range also feel WAY too young to get married?  I went to two weddings this weekend.  Yeah.

Good news--I've got both my practicum and research position nailed down for next year, so that's a HUGE relief and load off my shoulders.  It's a little scary because now it's feeling real.

Tonight, life is good.  I have a sleepy little sausage angel puppy lying on my bed (she was snuggling up against me earlier, which she rarely does, and it makes me so happy).  I'm studying for a test that is psychology-related (Applied Behavior Analysis), so the material is interesting (I'm secretly waiting for the promised class periods where she teaches us how to curb the behaviors of other adults in our lives, mwahahahaha).  In a few days I meet a never-before-met friend from Mexico for coffee.  Due to the approaching EastercoughSpring Holiday, the week's a 3-day week, so it should be a breeze.  So many opportunities and choices lie before me.  I can and will choose to focus on the positive.  If we're lucky, we only have 100 years; better make the most of every second.  Life is good.

http://iloveyoumorethanblank.com/

A Few Faves:

I love you more than a venti toffee nut with whip latte. woah.

I love you more than I love post-it noting and highlighting.

I love you more than Jack Barakat Britney Spears smothered in cupcake frosting.

I love you more than liberal bumper stickers on a mountain-scuffed nalgene.

And my personal favorite:

I love you more than cheese… I think. Yeah.. well, that’s a tough one.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask youself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Gil Balie

Interview Questions from Rachel.

1. You have been granted the power to change the world. What do you keep the SAME, and why?

I would continue this current atmosphere of change and hope.  It's an exciting time to be alive, and despite the very apparent things wrong with the world, so much good is happening.  I hope it continues this way.  I want my children someday to feel this, too.

2. Do you have a hero? If so who? (Please do not name a famous person or figure--who in your personal life do you consider heroic or admire?) If not, why?

My dad and mom.  I know that's the cheesiest answer imaginable, but I'm not sure I've met more incredible people than my parents.  My dad, a hero for making his dreams come alive and for doing so many selfless things with me in mind.  My mom, for her overwhelmingly tireless generosity and gentle spirit.  I couldn't imagine a better parental combination.  

3. I have called you a sentimental sap. Is there anything for which you are NOT sentimental? What thing or person inspires you to passionate loathing?

Coconut bras inspire me to passionate loathing, along with anyone who wears them.  Frat boys wearing them makes me particularly irate.  And for this reason, my dearie old mom brought me some from Hawaii.  I can't believe I've touched the monstrosities.

4. Ok. Stop thinking. Just lean back, close your eyes, take several deep breaths. Stop thinking...Now, whats the first thing that comes to mind when I ask you what you want to do that will make you happy? Happy now, not necessarily for the rest of your life--that would be thinking too much, just tell me about now.

Go to a remote tropical island and lay in the sunny sand completely naked.

5. Did you stop doing this, and go do that instead?

Nope.

6. You have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have dinner with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, and Confucius. Where do you go, what do you order, and who picks up the check?

Rach, you know I don't do religion.  A lustier side of me would have lunch with Marilyn Monroe at a posh, upscale NYC restaurant.  Marilyn would pick up the tab, of course, she's generous that way.  The more whole side of me would have lunch with my soulmate.  In that case, I might prepare a special meal.  

a wordless mood,

seen not heard

the stars are too bright

and turn down the dancing melody

so i can simply breathe,

weep and think,

dream of lives that were meant to be.

still, soft, the warmth of your touch,

your voice calm, low, true

incites the force that created the world inside me,

the very power to make the sun 

stand still, and all the earth besides.

i love you,

i don't know what to do.

i wrote it all for you.

REUTERS Anthropologists have recently uncovered a startling find. Atheism is now believed to have a lone commandment...

Thanks, Kevin.

I wish so much that this was true.  If I could see any dog again, it would be the stray I hit with my car out in the country about a year ago.  If somehow I could apologize to her (?) and convey to her in some way how sorry I am.  To tell her what a wonderfully perfect dog she was; that she would be a dog I'd be so proud and thrilled to own.  I don't know if she's alive or dead, but that perfect dog haunts me with her large red brown spots and beautiful long white hair perfect for burying your face in.  In an alternate life, I'd take such good care of you.  I love you.

Britt's Four Steps to a Fabulous Life:

1. Be happy.  Sometimes I feel this is harder for me than for other people.  I'm working on it.

2. Find someone who makes you come alive and laugh often.  And who is just as happy taking you out to dance the night away as he is to quietly sit by the fire with a glass of red wine, reading a book and holding you close.

3. Doing a deeply fulfilling career that helps people.

4. Making a positive influence on as many lives as possible; making anyone's life brighter if you can.

I wish I was doing all four of those steps in my life right now, but I recognize the absence of several of those steps.  I guess there are waiting phases in life, too.  I'll just keep telling myself that.  In truth, life is okay right now, but I feel like it could be a lot better.  For starters, I feel that I'll never be blissfully happy while I'm in school.  School is not my best environment emotionally.  Yet I realize the importance of school in terms of it getting me what I want for the rest of my life.  What is 5 more years of subpar happiness compared to a lifetime of doing something you love?  I just don't know what or if there's anything I can change to make it better, or if I need to just wait it out.  I'm at quite a crossroads in more ways than one, and some of the decisions are proving to be very difficult to make.  Remind me, how do normal agnostic people make major life decisions?  : P

What are your four steps to a fabulous life?  I might even allow you five.  ; )

Gay in Iran Documentary

Part 1

Part 2

**Update**

You can donate to help rehabilitate animals harmed by the wildfires here:

http://www.zoo.org.au/news/save_injured_wildlife

****

Rescuing Baby Koalas and the Tragic Loss of Human Life

Sometimes it's the little things in life that make you cry.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/02/090212-burned-koala-photo.html

And the audio link on this site is absolutely heartbreaking yet beautiful.  A good 5 minutes well-spent:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100714467&ft=1&f=1004

I desperately want to go rescue baby koalas from the wildfires of Australia.  I'd also love to go help rescue the people there, of course, but that's generally left to the experts.  I don't mean to minimize the tragic loss of human life by any means.  However, people, it seems, are usually the first to be taken care of in situations like this, and the poor, innocent animals often are left to fend for themselves.  If I could, I would go over there this minute to help.  On NPR's site comments, one person was outraged about how people focused on the koala story instead of hundreds of people dying.  I can feel the pain in that, yet it reminds me that as humans, death toll numbers are often so "far away" and surreal to us.  News stations often don't release the graphic details about people suffering that they might about the animals.  In the audio clip, the reporter didn't say a whole lot about details regarding the people, other than that whole towns have been incinerated by the wildfires and that folks, instead of saying "See ya later" are hugging and telling everyone to "Be safe."  Which is incredibly tragic.  However, hearing about koalas desperately hunting for water and walking around scorched forest floors on burnt paws gives such a vivid visual picture.  Maybe the visual picture is what made people respond to that story more.  Maybe the fact that it was unusual.  Maybe people are deeply uncomfortable with their own mortality and therefore choose to focus more of the plight of animals than the tragedy of 200 human deaths.

I contacted the animal sanctuary to see where would be a good place to donate to help animals injured by the fires.  If they send me any more information on that, I'll post it.  And I'm trying to find a site accepting donations to help people--if you find one, please let me know.  

Don't Divorce Love.  Love cannot be voted away.

Petition the Supreme Court to invalidate Proposition 8.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

If you think you have a rough life, just go here:

http://www.fmylife.com/

Most days I feel more lumpyass than badass.  : p  

Too bad the ice cream won't make it go away.

Confessions

Man, nobody's blogging anymore.  : (

Oh well, I guess you shouldn't do it for anyone but yourself.  Still, it's fun when people participate.  Then again, I can't really talk b/c I average about a post every week or two.

It's weird, I love stories, but I feel like I'm not very good at writing them.  I used to think I was a good writer until I was thrown into the bigger pond of college.  Then again, maybe if I did it regularly, I'd be better.  We're all our own worst critics.  Maybe I'll start writing a little bit every day (though probably not posting every day).  It would be a tragedy for the Girl Who Loved Stories' life to go undocumented.  I think everyone owes their children stories.  We need to know where we came from.  I wish I knew more about my parents when they weren't parents.  Do the stories really get that fuzzy through time?  Or does their very nearness, the way stories hang on the tips of our tongues, drive parents to hold them as secrets, because they're the last secrets they have from us?

The thing is, blogging doesn't fully capture all of my stories, because I often water them down since they're public.  

I've been noticing a need in my life for better self-care.  Particularly in terms of cooking/getting better meals for myself, exercising, relaxing, and being more organized.  All that feels a little overwhelming, though.  Organization makes me feel smothered and tied down.  Yet it is so helpful for basic, daily functioning.  Curse the artist in me.

Contemplating going to grad school feels REALLY overwhelming.  And I don't know if it's overwhelming because of the nature of the degree I may want to pursue (Clin. Psych. is super competitive), my lack of knowledge of it, or if it means I'm not cut out for it.  I wonder if it's overwhelming for me sometimes b/c I am so artistic/creative and it is so scientific and structured.  I don't know if I'd learn to live with and love the structure, and draw creative elements into that, or if it would stifle me.  In some ways, research really appeals to me despite its very scientific/structured nature because there are so many questions I want to answer about people.  And I wonder if I'd like that structure once I learn how to do it better.  I need to go shadow someone and ask them all these questions instead of writing them down on my blog.

I also feel a bit overwhelmed with school, mostly because if I never heard another thing about teaching, I'd be ecstatic.  Yet I feel the driving urge to excel b/c I need those grades to get into grad school.  On so many levels it would be appealing to take the easy road and just get whatever job after I graduate this May, but I don't know if I'd be truly happy with that plan.  I might be really disappointed later on.  

But life isn't bad these days, sometimes I just need to write all these things down.

"I want to give it to her, but I don't know what 'it' is."

*Warning:  viewer discretion advised.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=30768563

Literally laughing out loud.

http://getmortified.com/

I think I need to write this down for the world to see, just so my head doesn't explode.

Clinical Psychology

Pros:

~Getting a sense of fulfillment from work by directly helping people.

~Widening the knowledge base through research.

~Psychology in general is fascinating to me.  

~I love the idea of helping people become healthier and happier.  What better thing could you do for a person?

~A variety of career options within the field:  be a therapist, teach, or research.  

~A variety of places you could work:  private practice, in a hospital, in a university, in many other places, I'm sure...

~Tons of different topic areas to explore.

~Personal growth resulting from the information you have to learn in school.  Most of the psychologists and psychology majors I've met have been absolutely lovely, fascinating people I'd want to be around all the time.  I know I would grow and understand myself more as a person if I were in this field.

Cons:

~I wonder if I could handle being around "down" to mentally disturbed people all day.

~A slight risk of physical harm from patients.

~LOTS of paperwork.  I HATE paperwork.

~Insurance, aka "Notes from the Dark Side."

~LOTS of schooling.  I'm rather disenchanted with school at the moment, but still feel like I would enjoy going to school for Clinical Psychology.  Not to mention that getting into a program is almost as competitive as med school programs.  Yikes!

~Would I actually enjoy research?  All I know is I hate statistics and often find my eyes glazing over when reading scientific research articles.  Would this improve with more exposure to the material?

~Maybe I wouldn't make quite as much money as I would with a doctorate or even master's degree in another field.  Then again, I could live quite comfortably.

Fashion Design

Pros:

~Creating beautiful things.  A colorful job.

~Improving the choices of what's out there.  This is a driving factor:  I chronically find myself disappointed with the clothing on the market.

~Potential to work for myself.

~Potential to live in exotic locales:  NYC, Paris, London, Milan, Tokyo...

~Only one to two years of additional schooling required.

~I feel like I have an exceptional amount of ideas for clothes, and am pretty creative when put on the spot, so this could really work for me.

~If you make it big, you can make well over $100K a year.  Whoo!

Cons:

~I didn't pour over Vogue magazines or constantly design clothes as a little girl.  Is my heart in it enough?

~You usually have to pay your dues before making it big, if you ever make it big.  Would I really be happy as a designer's assistant?  I'm not sure I would.  Then again, "if you never try, you never know..."

~I might have to live in a big city the rest of my life.  Not sure I'm okay with that.  Definitely don't think Shawn's okay with that.

~A lot of your success is based on luck and connections.

~I've never really followed styles--would that be a problem?  Probably.  Then again, I might follow style if my livelihood depended on it.

~I worry that most of the people I'd be around would be superficial.  I can't stand superficial people, and I don't believe that clothing drives the sway of life.

~I worry/know that the job wouldn't be as glamorous as I picture in my mind.

If you have any thoughts, please comment!

Life has been, er, unusual lately.  Between bouts of insidious boredom, I manage to manufacture enough drama for about 10 lives.  This is strange because I'm normally a drama-free person, even to the extent of avoiding it if at all possible.  I feel caught in this awkward stage, as if my whole life is holding its breath, waiting for some critical change.  Yet I'm not sure what I want to change, except that I'd love to feel more at peace with the world and my responses to it.  Not sure how to get there, though.  As ever, my obsessive mind gnaws on at topics that should have been put to rest months ago.  I feel not quite myself and know that I can change locations and hobbies and people and jobs, but I'm not convinced that doing any of those things would be anything more than a quick fix; a bandaid for a larger issue.  Then again, maybe it's all about the looming change that will come when I graduate.  Do you ever feel like you're just mechanically going through the motions, smiling and laughing and crying and doing everything on cue, but you know your heart's not in it?  Maybe that's the, ahem, "clinical" definition of senioritis!  

I just talked with another girl in my program, and she admitted having similar feelings.  It was a relief to hear that maybe I'm not going crazy, or at least not all on my own.  Maybe I will just have to learn to deal with the stress of this upcoming change positively by exercising regularly and talking to people about it rather than internalizing all of it until I have a meltdown.

Something positive in my life right now is my interest in possibly pursuing psychology.  In so many ways, as cliche as this may be, thinking about being someone's therapist one day makes me want to be a better person and live my life according to my own advice.  It often helps me more closely monitor  my thoughts and the way I relate to people.  It helps me be more gentle with myself, yet also analyze times when I'm being selfish, unkind, or unproductive.   While I'm in no way perfect, I can't wait to give to people one day.  I'd like to give more to people right now, but I'm not entirely sure how.  One thing I also love about psychology is that the vast majority of the psychology professors and friends in psychology I've had are such warm, nurturing people.  Definitely people I would want to be like.  I love the idea of my career helping me grow as a person.

I've had quite the social life lately, despite my previous complaints of boredom.  Friday night was one of my manager's birthdays.  I'd never really socialized with my coworkers other than at work meetings, so it was interesting to see everyone relaxed and drinking (we met at a posh bar).  And I totally told off this creepy guy saying disgusting things about my very young coworker (she didn't hear him).  It's all a bit fuzzy, but I think I told him he was going to find himself on the floor if he didn't leave her alone! The shocking thing is that he immediately backed down and went very far away from us.  Who knew I could be intimidating?!! 

Then yesterday my friend/neighbor invited Shawn and me over for tacos and a movie.  We brought Girl, Interrupted, one of my all time favorite movies.  If you haven't seen it, you haven't lived.  Find it and watch it asap, if only to drool over Winona Ryder (pictured above) for 2 hours.  : )  It's also the only movie I've seen Angelina Jolie look absolutely hideous.  Which is darkly fulfilling, hehe.

Later that night some friends and I went out to another fun bar here in town.  Goodness, I can't seem to escape the drinking!  I think it'll be health nights from now til next weekend.  Even though today I was already back to oogling the wine at Sam's Club (where, by the way, you can buy alcohol without a membership!).

On a bright note, my new friend Kevin makes some amazing music.  You all should check it out!  I hope he can make it big someday.  : )

from A Lifetime of Secrets by Frank Warren

"I'm starting to realize my indecisiveness is a far worse fate than making the wrong decision."

(this one, succinct statement perfectly sums up what has been fighting inside of me these past months.)

"I'm so scared that growing up means dying a little inside."

(me, too.  every day.)

"I wish that every human life might be pure transparent freedom."

 --Simone de Beauvoir

(it's the only way to live.  if only each of us could realize it starts with us, with one person.  a passion for this is why i want to work in a helping profession.)

The first day of the last semester of my bachelor's degree starts today.  FINALLY.  Surprisingly, I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of dread this time.  I want to just get it done and be finished with this degree I may not use.  Over the break, I've done a little research on potential careers and I'm finding myself interested in Clinical Psychology again.  Other potential interests are being an Anthropology professor or working in Human Resources.  However, Human Resources seems to lack "color" that the other two jobs possess.  Then again, HR could pay me the best with the least amount of education, and I don't really know what an HR person even does.  More research is required.

Anyway, wish me luck on my first day.  Hope you all have a lovely week!  :)

Happy New Year, everyone!

I admired Cara's list of things she did in 2008. I'd like to write a similar list, but it's hard to remember everything and especially verbalize it. I think so many of my blog friends are much better writers than I am. Some people are more verbal, but I'm a visual person. Pictures often express so much more about me than words, which is why I should try to develop this mode of expression more in myself.

I also want to thank all of you, my friends. I don't think I could have done 2008 without you.

Goals for 2009:

~Exercise regularly (30 minutes 3x/week). Lose the thighs. Work the abs. Take my vitamins.
~Get my adult life on a good track. (More later on this.)
~Take a roadtrip with wonderful friends. Document it with photographs and videos. (Anyone have a camcorder? haha)
~Go to Europe? Take that pilgrimage (El Camino de Santiago)?
~Try my hand at photography maybe, since I'm no good at regularly producing fine art.
~Write a poem now and then.
~Graduate May 2009, whooo!
~Get a big girl job.
~Figure out who I am a little more.
~Make the world a more beautiful place.
~Drink a little less.
~Be myself more. Be real with people. Be the girl men would give both their balls to be with, and not just 'cause she's hot.
~Keep my big mouth shut more.
~Be happy as much as possible and hopefully pass it on to others. : )