a night for love poems

i carry your heart with me

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

Late Night Confession

I am in love.

With Hinder.


I love the lead-singer's smoker's voice.

I love the lyrics that, while brutally savage at times, are so real and true to human emotions.

In ways I don't understand, I have this emotional connection with their music, especially their songs "Better Than Me" and "Lips of an Angel."


Salvador, step aside, at least just for a little while while I positively feel to the essence of my being "Better Than Me."

Once in a blue moon, there are some questions that just render themselves unanswerable. I happened to encounter one such question this weekend in Memphis for my cousin's wedding.

Having arrived a day early to enjoy ourselves, my parents, Shawn, and I went downtown to enjoy dinner, sitesee, walk out the impending blood clots in our legs from prolonged car riding, etc.

The happenin' street in downtown Memphis is dubbed "Beale Street." It's kind of your typical area of nightlife with a rock n roll flair. (That's what Memphis is about, after all.) We get to the end of this street and there before our very eyes stands a vast group of people with blood-spattered clothes, grotesquely dark eye makeup, and even a pregnant lady with what looks like the traces entrails hanging off of her belly. My dad walks over to two of these young men and asks what everyone is doing. Instead of gracing us with an, oh, human response, they immediately hunch down, arms trailing toward the ground, and begin moaning. Dad just laughs goodheartedly and we move on to find dinner. We eventually overhear talk that it is a zombie invasion.

While in the restaurant we settle into (also located on Beale Street), we inform the waitress of said interesting happenings. With a look of genuine innocence, she exclaims,

"Oh, do you think they're real?"

I need to get it through my head once and for all to never, ever allow what a guy (or anyone!) does or says or thinks to determine how I feel about myself.

Others can certainly offer valuable advice and input, but they should never determine your sense self-worth.

I think I've been allowing that to happen for quite a while; this whole business of being too worried about what others think.

Today I'm going to try and be myself through and through, even if it means being a little more rough around the edges. At least it will be genuine and compassionate, not watered-down and overly conformative.

P.S. Tomorrow, a haircut! As much as I've enjoyed doing the shag-dog version of a sixth grade boy... ; )

And speaking of sixth grade boys, am I the only one over 20 who can't help laughing hysterically over the sheer mention of the passage of gas? : /

True story:

(*Standing in a crowded, immobile high school hallway after lunch. The air is heavy and humid from the swarms of bodies pressing in from every side. Britt farts. Not the usual innocuously silent fart. The Secret Weapon. It seems the body whips this one out during "that time." This thing could poison a prison full of cockroaches. After an atomic bomb had finished everything else off.)

Leslie: "Oh man, somebody farted."

Britt: "Yeah."

Leslie: (turning a shade of green, the apparent effects of aforementioned poisoning) "Man, it's killing me."

Britt: "Yeah, uh, that's hORrible."

Martha's Interview Questions

1. no holds barred... tell me about your dream life. GO!

Dream life now or later? Wildest fantasy dream life or more practical? I guess all of my dream worlds have a few things in common: I would be with the person of my dreams (which is a whole 'nother post or fifteen, but a quick list of traits would be: deeply compassionate, beliefs complement mine, giving, a continual burden to make a positive impact in the world, funny...), be a deaf educator, working and volunteering to make a positive difference in the world. Ideally we would be doing this someplace warm, if not tropical. And by the beach. And we could learn to surf and scuba dive. We would travel often to places all over the globe, sometimes for humanitarian goals, other times just for enjoyment. We might have kids (I haven't decided about this yet). If we had kids, we might have 4, 2 of whom would be adopted and Deaf. And I guess that is my fantasy dream life, and I don't think it's too impossible to say it might happen. : )


2. if you could author the biography of anyone (alive or dead; famous or not), who would it be and why?

Heehee, my first response was Harry Potter. I wish I could write like J.K. Rowling. Not to mention have her royalties... She is so creative. It is so hard to write an "easy read." I would love to be able to tap into the imagination like that.


3. if you could have been born a child prodigy... what would you want your remarkable gift/talent to be?

Hm, I don't have a clear answer on this. Perhaps just connecting with people. I kinda wish I had been born a person who is lively, vivaceous, talkative, hilariously entertaining, etc. Not that I don't have measures of these qualities. But I think I'd rather have amazing people skills rather than fame and/or fortune.


4. if someone were to make a movie about your life, who would you want to play you? why?

Nicole Kidman and Gwyneth Paltrow run pretty close. I think Nicole Kidman might be able to capture my emotional side a little bit better than Gwyneth, but then again, Gwyneth did do a great job in an emotional role in Proof, so it's a hard choice.


5. what is the greatest gift you've ever been given? what's the greatest gift you've ever given to someone else?

Probably my sense of compassion. Who gives you that gift? God? Your parents? You? Without my sense of compassion and empathy for others, I would like to think I'd feel very adrift. In fact, if I had to choose between having amazing people skills or a quietly intense sense of compassion, I'd choose compassion any day.

The greatest gift I've ever given to someone is time. People spend time on the people and things that are most important to them, and never think that people don't realize it if you don't spend time with them.

Interesting article:

Laughter not necessarily the best medicine, professor says
Hot Topic - Expert Source

Date: May 16, 2007
Contact: Dr. Timothy Bender
(417) 836-4129

SPRINGFIELD — A guy walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. He says to the bartender, “I’d like two drinks: one for me, and one for the road.”
Feel better?

In recent years, many people have claimed that laughing – even at groan-inducing jokes like this one – can boost your immune system. However, according to Dr. Timothy Bender, psychology professor at Missouri State University, the health benefits of humor have yet to be proven in a scientifically-sound study.

“Most of the research on the physical healing effects of laughter has not been very good research, and the research that has been good has come up with inconsistent results,” Bender says. “Humor is a form of communication, which requires a sender and a receiver. If the receiver takes the humor wrong, it might not necessarily be solving problems, it might actually be introducing more problems. We need more research on how we socially respond to humor, what the social factors are that influence our response to humorous situations.”

Whether it’s actually helpful or not, having a jovial disposition can’t hurt, says Bender, a self-proclaimed “pun-ophile” and the professor of an upcoming summer course on the psychology of humor. “Laughter has some effect on pain relief, for a short period of time. Now, whether that’s due to the laughter or the humor of the situation or due to something else – distraction or some other factor – is still being debated.”

The study of the psychology of humor is relatively new, says Bender, which could explain why some of the research is not taken seriously (pardon the pun) by the academic community. Psychology of humor is an offshoot of “positive psychology,” an area of study that has only surfaced in the last couple of decades.

“With positive psychology, you look at what people are doing right, instead of looking at the problems people have, the abnormalities and the disorders,” says Bender. “What are people who are getting along really well doing that might be the reason they’re getting along so well? One aspect of that is looking at humor and seeing what type of humor a successful person has, as well as what effects humor might have in the workplace, in teaching and in therapy.”

Bender explains that researchers in positive psychology examine everything from why we laugh when we’re tickled (a sign of submission, studies suggest) to why laughter is contagious (specifically-functioned “mirror neurons” activate when someone else laughs, giving us the urge to do the same).

While laughter may not help us live longer or healthier, studying people who laugh will afford scientists a unique insight into the human psyche.

“I think the best thing that’s going to come out of any of the research in laughter is not so much how we can use laughter to get things done, but how laughter can tell us something about people,” says Bender. “Laughter is a means for finding out about how healthy a person is mentally and what level of well-being they have at the moment. It’s a good measure of personality.”

Source

Okay, I must have the willpower of a ladybug, because I'm posting instead of studying. : /

But there is so much change happening. Since when does life change so fast?! So and so's engaged (I'm pretty sure the count FOR THIS WEEK is 2-3ish), and that person's graduating, and he's moving, and...

Sometimes I just want to stop time. To enjoy just a few more moments of the way things are right now. But now's already going.

Yet some of it is so beautiful. Like when you have good anticipations about going somewhere new. Or meeting someone.

Other times I wish I had a chrystal ball and could see what would happen if I chose options A, B, or C. So many of these very permanent decisions we're all making at such young ages make me get this way. Like decisions about the M-word (ma--iage).

Yet some of those seemingly "permanent" decisions might not be so permanent as one might think, and in most cases it would be very hard to choose an option that would absolutely devastate your life. Or even make it half bad. In fact, things might work out really great, regardless of what option you chose. I guess that's part of growing up--learning to deal with uncertainties and change. In fact, learning to live with them daily. And the best you make of them is all up to you.

Facebook Confession

Earlier this evening I was looking through someone's facebook pictures. They have been a distant (yet strangely close) part of my life for a very long time. I think I grew jealous and started getting even a little depressed as I was looking through those pictures, seeing what a good time this person was having, yet all at the same time I was happy that they looked happy. Then, for some reason, I started looking through my own pictures. As it turned out, it looked like I was having just as much fun, if not more, than the people I was getting jealous about!

Isn't our humanity such a funny thing? How we get jealous over the highlights of others' lives meanwhile failing to be content and even being blind to the joy positively engulfing us?!

Tonight I feel happy. In fact, even though today has been up and down, it has been a healthy up and down. And there are just so many things to be happy and joyous and content about. : )

And I don't know where I'm going tomorrow, but I'd like to go there smiling.

Old

What happens when you get old, according to preschoolers.

This has been on my mind lately:

http://hubel.sfasu.edu/courseinfo/articles/fetal_tests.htm

What do you think about abortion?

I think it would be cool to, in addition to being a parent-infant advisor (someone who informs new parents of deaf children of all the parents' options and teaches parents how to teach their kids), to be someone who counsels potential abortion patients, particularly those carrying deaf fetuses (I would counsel them to keep their baby, of course).

Wow, that sounds so specialized, but it's something that really interests me.

Gosh, I'm really starting to love that boy. :)

Tonight Miranda, Jess, and I went over unexpectedly to some neighbors' house. We had never met them before, but they just came over and invited us, so we thought why not? At first it was slightly awkward after everyone had asked the general questions of name, major, and hometown. But we discovered that they have a ginormous tv. No, not Enormous. GINORMOUS! This tv might not have been nearly as spectacular if it had not had the capability of playing not one, but THREE KARAOKE CDS. Oh yes. So, for the first time in my young life, I sung karaoke in front of complete strangers. The karaoke was quite amusing and now I am quite hooked.

And the offer now stands that if you ever have need of a karaoke companion, I'm your girl.

Anecdote of the week that will make your heart gush.

So my sign language class had a "silent night" at a local, ahem, venue Friday night. A silent night is when everyone doesn't use their voices, but communicate in sign language the whole night.

One of my friends, Marianne, brings her boyfriend, who doesn't know much sign language ( he's not a part of the class). As we all are discussing name signs (people of the Deaf community have a special sign signifying their name so that they don't have to fingerspell it every time), the issue came up that Marianne does not have a name sign. Her boyfriend immediately makes the sign for beautiful but with an "M" and says, "I keep telling Marianne this should be her name sign."

Dance of 1000 Hands

This is quite possibly the coolest thing I have seen. In the world.

Just as a disclaimer for what is said below, I also want to note that I DON'T find it extraordinary that deaf people did this. I think deaf people, just like hearing people, can do absolutely anything they set their mind to do! In fact, in a lot of cases I think the deaf are even more perceptive of the visual arts than hearing people. I AM very impressed that these artists obviously put so much work into an astoundingly intricate performance.

This was sent to me in an email:

Dance of 1000 Hands

Read the paragraph below FIRST before you watch the video website.

There is an awesome dance, called the Thousand-Hand Guanyin, which is making the rounds across the net. Considering the tight coordination required, their accomplishment is nothing short of amazing, even if they were not all deaf. Yes, you read correctly. All 21 of the dancers are completely deaf. Relying only on signals from trainers at the four corners of the stage, these extraordinary dancers deliver a visual spectacle that is at once intricate and stirring.

Its first major international debut was in Athens at the closing ceremonies for the 2004 Paralympics. But it had long been in the repertoire of the Chinese Disabled People's Performing Art Troupe and had traveled to more than 40 countries.

Its lead dancer is 29 year old Tai Lihua, who has a BA from the Hubei Fine Arts Institute. The video was recorded in Beijing during the Spring Festival of 2005.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4478632727623323561