So I feel the need to confess. Vent. Whathaveyou.

I feel...afraid to be who I really am sometimes. Since you can read that sentence in so many ways, let me tell you first that it was said fairly confidently and upbeat...ly. It is just a realization at which I have arrived. Kind of like you realize that you're no good at gymnastics or doing the splits or playing water polo. It's a fact of life. Now I have to learn to deal with it. And maybe if I practice being who I really am sometimes, it will change for the better.

I feel extremely hesitant at times to share with people what I believe and do and think and feel. I would say that probably nobody knows every juicy detail of my life, beliefs, etc. Are you like this? It's not that I'm not trying to be real or genuine with my friends, it's just that I also have this secret part of myself that likes to hide. A lot. I almost feel like I'm betraying myself if I tell somebody everything. Or even a lot of things. Maybe that's a big reason why I've been called a good listener.

I also am not too sure of what I really think about a lot of things. Politics especially. When does anyone get the whole picture? I feel bad making strong opinions based upon an incomplete view of something. I feel especially uneducated, as well, when it comes to politics.

The sad part comes with this: I'm not quite sure how to change this not knowing, except maybe by thinking more about stuff. And I just plain don't have a lot of time to sit down and think about stuff right now. Should I make time? Probably. But after a long day at school/work, it's one of the last things on my list of fun stuff to do for the evening. It's so much easier to just jump on facebook or something mindless like that.

I feel kind of jammed in either way. I'm a little too lazy to actually think and research my views on different subjects, but it keeps tormenting me--this not knowing business.

Maybe the fear of being myself and sharing would decrease if I knew a little more about who I am and what I think.

Sigh. This laziness seems shallow, but it is reality for the moment.

Maybe this was a long fluffy post just about me being a little disappointed in myself.