Life has been, er, unusual lately.  Between bouts of insidious boredom, I manage to manufacture enough drama for about 10 lives.  This is strange because I'm normally a drama-free person, even to the extent of avoiding it if at all possible.  I feel caught in this awkward stage, as if my whole life is holding its breath, waiting for some critical change.  Yet I'm not sure what I want to change, except that I'd love to feel more at peace with the world and my responses to it.  Not sure how to get there, though.  As ever, my obsessive mind gnaws on at topics that should have been put to rest months ago.  I feel not quite myself and know that I can change locations and hobbies and people and jobs, but I'm not convinced that doing any of those things would be anything more than a quick fix; a bandaid for a larger issue.  Then again, maybe it's all about the looming change that will come when I graduate.  Do you ever feel like you're just mechanically going through the motions, smiling and laughing and crying and doing everything on cue, but you know your heart's not in it?  Maybe that's the, ahem, "clinical" definition of senioritis!  

I just talked with another girl in my program, and she admitted having similar feelings.  It was a relief to hear that maybe I'm not going crazy, or at least not all on my own.  Maybe I will just have to learn to deal with the stress of this upcoming change positively by exercising regularly and talking to people about it rather than internalizing all of it until I have a meltdown.

Something positive in my life right now is my interest in possibly pursuing psychology.  In so many ways, as cliche as this may be, thinking about being someone's therapist one day makes me want to be a better person and live my life according to my own advice.  It often helps me more closely monitor  my thoughts and the way I relate to people.  It helps me be more gentle with myself, yet also analyze times when I'm being selfish, unkind, or unproductive.   While I'm in no way perfect, I can't wait to give to people one day.  I'd like to give more to people right now, but I'm not entirely sure how.  One thing I also love about psychology is that the vast majority of the psychology professors and friends in psychology I've had are such warm, nurturing people.  Definitely people I would want to be like.  I love the idea of my career helping me grow as a person.

I've had quite the social life lately, despite my previous complaints of boredom.  Friday night was one of my manager's birthdays.  I'd never really socialized with my coworkers other than at work meetings, so it was interesting to see everyone relaxed and drinking (we met at a posh bar).  And I totally told off this creepy guy saying disgusting things about my very young coworker (she didn't hear him).  It's all a bit fuzzy, but I think I told him he was going to find himself on the floor if he didn't leave her alone! The shocking thing is that he immediately backed down and went very far away from us.  Who knew I could be intimidating?!! 

Then yesterday my friend/neighbor invited Shawn and me over for tacos and a movie.  We brought Girl, Interrupted, one of my all time favorite movies.  If you haven't seen it, you haven't lived.  Find it and watch it asap, if only to drool over Winona Ryder (pictured above) for 2 hours.  : )  It's also the only movie I've seen Angelina Jolie look absolutely hideous.  Which is darkly fulfilling, hehe.

Later that night some friends and I went out to another fun bar here in town.  Goodness, I can't seem to escape the drinking!  I think it'll be health nights from now til next weekend.  Even though today I was already back to oogling the wine at Sam's Club (where, by the way, you can buy alcohol without a membership!).

On a bright note, my new friend Kevin makes some amazing music.  You all should check it out!  I hope he can make it big someday.  : )