Today I came to an epiphany.  

Life is so much sweeter if you choose to believe that people are for you, and not against you.

Sometimes I tend to live thinking the opposite.  Call it part of my jaded middle school & high school past.

But when you expect the best of people, it's so much easier to be happy.  It's so much more fruitful when you believe the tailgater behind you must be in a big hurry for a very important reason instead of just wanting to hack you off.  

Life is so much more beautiful when you avidly search for the good in all things.

I want to be more like this.

I was brave today.

After Miranda told me she would have to move out unexpectedly by March (she needs the money to move to Europe!), I found myself in need of another roomie.

So I posted an ad on facebook.  But that's not the brave thing I did.  I posted the ad for a female or gay male roommate.  This was big for me.  I never thought I'd be open to living with any guy, however, the past few years as I've become more open minded to the idea of homosexuality, I've secretly entertained the idea of one day being able to live my own "Will & Grace" show.  In fact, I almost desperately want to meet that perfectly lovable, poetic, melodramatic gay friend and share some of my space with him.

And I just hope my parents won't keel over dead if this perfect-for-me roomie comes knocking on my door.  Er, email. 

Today especially I'd love to believe that all eventually works together for ultimate good.  It makes the world feel so much friendlier.

But the world isn't always so friendly, and it's hard to believe when it seems like so much is fighting against us.

Perhaps these thoughts were provoked by the death of Heath Ledger.  

Perhaps it all simply ties to the way I've experienced the world.

Life can be so beautiful and so terrible all at once. 

Even in saying this, I feel I have no right to utter those words, because life has been so much fairer to me than countless others in this world.  

Someday I hope I understand.

Wow, I can't believe school starts tomorrow.  I think I'm ready.  This semester should be very interesting and fun because I get to take classes all about teaching and Deaf people.  I also am really looking forward to observing in an elementary classroom!!  Yay!

I've had quite the round of social activities in the past day or two.  Yesterday I met my wonderful & inspiring friend Kara for lunch at a local Indian restaurant.  She's one of those people you just connect with on a whole other level than most people.  You feel like you could tell her anything in the world and she would implicitly understand.  I love people like that.  I hope to be one, if not already.  She has a joy for life that I've never seen in anyone else.  We talked also about psychics, which I have a deep fascination to learn more about them at the moment.  We talked about mysticism and faith and travel (she's quite the traveler).  I wish I could spend more time with her.  I wish distance didn't separate me from many of the people I love the most.

My friend from Denmark has also been visiting.  She's a doll, and it's great taking her shopping and out to eat and watching her enjoy things here so much more than the average American.  I took her to dinner last night with Shawn and his friend, and she said she wishes she could just stay here.  Sometimes I wish things could stay just how they are in a given moment, now, and never change.

Yesterday I also went flea marketing with my grandma.  I can only take so much of looking at stations of old, cluttered, dusty things, but it's kind of exciting all the same because you never know when you'll find a treasure.  

With school starting tomorrow, I have a lot of different emotions; anything from excited, to nervous that it will be too stressful, to relieved that I'll have more to occupy my time, to sad that I won't have as much time to learn what I want to learn, to just happy.  But most of all I have this feeling that no matter what happens, this will be a good semester.  : )

After talking with my sweet friend, Abbey, this evening I realized that this break has had just enough activities interspersed at just the right intervals to keep me from coming to Ft. Worth to visit.  It is as if some mad genius planned it all.  This is how my break has gone:

School ended.  I collapsed and promptly got bored (a new feeling for me--I am rarely bored).  Should have gotten a job.

Christmas Activities quickly ensued.  All FIVE Christmas gatherings.  (Divorced parents and their significant others, even when they are not your own, do make for a busy holiday.)

I breathed for two days after Christmas, then my Aunt, Uncle, and cousins came into town.  The day before they left, my dear friend Cara who you all know and love came for a lovely visit.  The next day she left and Shawn, Shawn's family and I jumped in the car and went to visit his grandparents for their Christmas celebration, staying two days.

I breathed a few more days and then Shawn's friend Matt (for whom Shawn was one of the best men) married April yesterday in one of the most beautiful and fulfilling weddings I have yet to witness.  Of all the weddings I have seen, if pressed I think I would pick that one to be mine (different bride and groom and guests, obviously).  It was exquisite and tasteful.  Did I mention it was exquisite?

Today Shawn and some friends and I rode down to Arkansas to do some rock climbing.  It was a really good group, especially since his sister came.  The more I get to know her, the more I like her.  : )  

This coming Tuesday is Shawn's birthday.  It is all I can do to keep from giving him his presents literally weeks early, just because I can.  

Then I breathe a few more days and on the 14th, school starts!

Poor Ft. Worth got edged out this time.  : (  I've had a fabulous break, don't get me wrong.  I wish I could have squeezed in enough time to come visit.  But with the rate time is flying by, maybe the next vacation will be just around the bend...

Happy New Year!

Resolution:  to produce something artistic everyday, preferably for 30 minutes or more.  

Question:  should I keep my hair red or go back blonde?  

I was all set on being red for a while until Shawn told me he likes it better blonde.  : /

If I go back blonde, it would probably be more of a strawberry blonde, like this picture with maybe a few lighter highlights on top: