With observing a classroom, I think I've found all the reasons why I shouldn't be a teacher (I'm not assertive enough, sometimes kids jar me, I don't have the best classroom management skills, I hate waking up early, I don't like to be responsible of groups of people's well-being, I hate all the work you have to do outside of school for planning...). But it feels like most of the good reasons of why I went into it just haven't shown up in my practicum experience. This isn't anybody's fault. It's just how I feel. Part of me wonders if I'm expecting too much or if this is a product of stress, as I tend to get this way at the end of the semester. But I had this glowing excitement going into this semester that the bottom just fell out of the first few days of practicum, and the disillusionment has stuck ever since then. Maybe this age group isn't the best for me. I've always thought I'd be best teaching college kids, but I'm not going to school for the things I'd want to teach college kids. I think I would either want to be a professor of art or anthropology.
I could go on and on about all this for hours. Sigh. Life's complexities are often absolutely mind-boggling.
2 comments:
I think you do obsess a little about careers, but you're not the only one. It seems like you put pressure on yourself to discover the "perfect" career, when most people change their careers throughout their lives. You'll probably work until you're 60 or 65, so that's 35-40 years that you could do whatever you wanted! I mean, you could start a career now, stay with it for 10 or 15 years, and then go back to school and get your doctorate in anthropology (if that's something you continue to be passionate about), and become a professor! Really, the possibilities for you are wide open, and you certainly don't have to figure it out this year, or next year, or the year after. Maybe we should just live our lives year by year and not stress about the big picture of our CAREER, because as we gain new experiences, our interests will change, and we will change as well.
Also, if you think you might enjoy teaching at the college level, I'd try to gain some experiencing teaching college students. If you like this art class you're taking this summer, get to know the professor, and see if you can TA the next he or she teaches it! Or, just be adventurous and create your own art class! Plan the curriculum, advertise for it, and just make the students pay for their supplies. Or if that sounds like too much time, create a Saturday art workshop and invite people to attend. Then, see what that experience does for you. Is it something you enjoy? Do you come to life in a classroom of college students? Or does it feel like this practicum, where you just feel dragged down, or feel like you can't manage the classroom?
yeah... for the past few days i have desperately NOT wanted to work. i don't even know what i want to do... well, i do. but it's not possible.
i want to LIVE. and make the world better and travel and do REAL things. but i want to do all of that without working and without worrying about a paycheck or bills or anything of the sort.
damn real life.
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