i want to be deliciously eccentric. that is all.

and when i'm old, i want to be the woman Evie in the movie "Driving Lessons."

Life, it's so mysteriously funny. Like watching a strange girl in the street laughing, but never knowing exactly what elicits these laughs from her.

Today and yesterday I was in a plain old miserably crabby mood. A lot of it had to do with the questions I've been having. Sometimes I just can't get the questions out of my mind and it stresses me, tainting my life for the worst. I want to develop beyond this. I know I am capable of living beyond this. But, see, this is one thing I can't reconcile is I feel like I've spent so much of my life just trying to change myself. Right now, today, I want to take the deepest breath, let go, and be who I am. Not someone else I think is better than me. I want to believe that I'm fabulous, wonderful, and amazing in so many ways by just being me. And I'm getting there.

But today turned around. I'm pretty sure it happened when Shawn came over. That is really saying something to admit that someone can pull you out of a complete bitchy funk, but he did. He must be magic.

I read in my psychology book (Exploring Psychology) several interesting tidbits. One was that people who regularly attend a religious service live longer, on average, than those who don't. This may be due to several factors, like having a strong community support, a lifestyle that does not involve as much smoking and drinking, and a lesser level of stress due to faith that a higher power is taking care of problems. It also said that people who meditate or practice concentrated prayer live longer. I can personally believe this. Whenever I meditate, I just feel healthier, calmer, and more at peace. All this talk has made me believe that I need to work on dealing more healthily with the stress in my life. Like meditating every day. Exercising regularly. Depending on people when I honestly need them. Appreciating the simple things in life.

i need to take a step back. i need to enjoy the simple things in life once again. i have this longing for simplicity, yet it is almost cruelly out of reach...

any ideas?

i feel so undefinable tonight, like a stray mark colored outside the lines.

if perfect love drives out fear, what happens when love was never perfect from the beginning? what about it that perfect does not exist?

Devirginization of the Hookah

Tonight was the rather infamous night that I gave the old hookah (bought in Granada, Spain) her first firing-up. And girl, was it wonderful! It was far more intense than any previous hookah-ing, the "real deal" if you will. ^^ I definitely felt this one. Maybe it was because I'd had previous practice. ; ) (Cigars + Venice, yikes!) I will definitely have to bring the old girl with me when I come to visit so that all you Texans can experience her wonders. Wish you could've been there. My friend Rob, whom you probably remember for his, ahem, experience with these things, helped us figure out how to get her loaded up and such, complete with the vase full of apple juice instead of water, and the top full of apple tobacco, mmm. It was such a good night, so simple and full of laughter. Especially since beforehand we went to my favorite little posh bar that has the funky-cool atmosphere, with sofas and colored lights. It was quite the fun Thursday evening, definitely just the ticket after a long first week of classes.

I'm back.

In black.

Or rather the adorable black dress I bought today.

Europe was fantastic!! More to come. Let's suffice to say that it was a wonderful summer of discovery and personal growth. i hope to keep that personal growth going over the year. Why is it so hard to grow during school? Maybe it's because school shellshocks you.

It is really lovely being home, too. I rather began to miss it. ;)

Just like I miss you!

And p.s., for the person who thought I wrote the poem in the previous post, I am quite flattered, but Kim Addonizio is actually an internationally (?) acclaimed poet! I wish I could write like her! Maybe some day...