Life, the Universe, and Everything.

After recommending writing prompts to several people, I felt that it is a bit hypocritical to not follow up with a good post.

One of the things I've been learing lately is that life has few formulas. I'm not sure I believe that there is one answer that will solve everybody's problems (although I'd desperately love to know if there was an answer like that). Or if there is an answer, what if it's something like "42" that leaves one exactly where she started? Maybe that is a fear of mine, that I will analyze my way laboriously through life only to find that I should have just taken it easy, gone with the flow, and not thought too much.

But I do think. That's a profound part of who I am.

One of the things (besides formulas or lack thereof) that I have been thinking of lately is that I would like to make more of a positive change in the world. Making a dent on world hunger or providing scholarships to third world children come to mind. Yet I'm not sure where to start. Anyone have any ideas? I feel like quite the idealist but with no practical know-how to turn dreams into reality.

That's another thing. I feel like I sometimes live more in a world of fantasy than reality. I love and embrace the pure qualities in people. I believe in soulmates. I have huge dreams of adopting a deaf child and building schools for the deaf in places where they have few or none and establishing a foundation to provide scholarships to deaf children all over the world who can't pay for their schooling. But I have no idea how to make these dreams a reality. And sometimes when I put my feet on the ground for just a while, I start to feel vulnerable. Sometimes I feel small and weak, and maybe quite lonely. I really do miss my friends in Ft. Worth. I feel like there's next to nobody here that I can lean on quite like those friends there.

But despite all that, I've been happy overall. Happier, perhaps, than I have been in years. I think a large part of it has to do with being more aware of my need for 8 hours of sleep a night. Also, I think being surrounded by family helps. Sometimes having a boyfriend helps. Here's where I don't think there are concrete formulas. Maybe if you try a bunch of things, a few of them are bound to bleed over and do some good.

It seems like sometimes when you are on the brink of having all those answers, new questions arise or old questions reappear. Even though I'm just short of ecstatic that I am doing Deaf Ed., this week the thought hit me: I kind of wish I was doing something exotic. (I've wanted to be 'exotic' for a while, and have even contemplated moving to New Zealand, if only because I love their accents.) Like zoology. My passion as a child was animals. (I now remember that it was also playing school.) What would it entail to get a degree in zoology? More school and science courses than I am probably willing to cram down my throat.

I've had a few questions about love, too. Like when should you know it's the one? Here is where I feel formulas fall short. Yet I'm not sure how one ever comes to that answer. I've had about enough advice on this to last a lifetime, maybe three.

I also feel like there's a part of me that is not fully developed (does that make me unable to even try to imagine the person I'll end up with?). It's almost like I'm missing a piece of myself. Is it because I've been having issues with religion? I feel a little more shallow than I once did. I still greatly admire people of high morals, especially those who combine them with attitudes of tolerance, compassion, and open-mindedness. I want to change. I want to be described in those words. I just don't feel like I'm there today, and that bothers me. Maybe that's the crux of the issue with all these questions is I do not have the answers today, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I guess sometimes we just have to learn to be content, maybe through a vast, extended period of life, with just knowing that we don't yet know. That life will never be perfect. It will have its ups and downs, but just because there are downs once in a while doesn't mean it's all wrong. And once in a while, you have to appease yourself by saying it's all gonna be okay, even if you're not sure it will.