What kind of old person do you want to be?

I want to still wear heels.

I want to be incredibly sweet, cramming as many homemade cookies into innocent bystanders' hands and mouths as possible.

To wear dramatic colors like turquoise and magenta with equally dramatic (yet still classy) jewelry.

To own one very large and sassy (if not fleabitten) parrot who will be almost as old as I am. I will will it to the child who hates it the most and it will live in their care far longer than any parrot is expected to live.

To have lots of nooks and crannies in my house stuffed with crazy, unusual, and alluring trinkets collected from overseas travels.

Photographs in odd and curious frames will be posted in unsuspected spots--this one will be of my kids when I took them to the Brazilian rainforest on an ecotour. That one is of my god-daughter having a tea party with stuffed animals. And the one over there in the sunroom, yes, that's ________'s portrait when he was younger. I painted it when I was about your age. Wasn't he handsome? Still is. (*blushes a little*)

I want to be confident, and sweet with a little spice. One of those old people who lets a few slightly colorful stories slip every now and then that make the grandchildren feel like they're finally "old enough" for once.

I also want to be one of the most compassionate people who someone has ever met. I'm not there yet, but I'd like to never have to tell my own tales, to be a woman whose deeds speak for her. A woman of virtue whose legacy of compassion is her greatest gift.

Life, the Universe, and Everything.

After recommending writing prompts to several people, I felt that it is a bit hypocritical to not follow up with a good post.

One of the things I've been learing lately is that life has few formulas. I'm not sure I believe that there is one answer that will solve everybody's problems (although I'd desperately love to know if there was an answer like that). Or if there is an answer, what if it's something like "42" that leaves one exactly where she started? Maybe that is a fear of mine, that I will analyze my way laboriously through life only to find that I should have just taken it easy, gone with the flow, and not thought too much.

But I do think. That's a profound part of who I am.

One of the things (besides formulas or lack thereof) that I have been thinking of lately is that I would like to make more of a positive change in the world. Making a dent on world hunger or providing scholarships to third world children come to mind. Yet I'm not sure where to start. Anyone have any ideas? I feel like quite the idealist but with no practical know-how to turn dreams into reality.

That's another thing. I feel like I sometimes live more in a world of fantasy than reality. I love and embrace the pure qualities in people. I believe in soulmates. I have huge dreams of adopting a deaf child and building schools for the deaf in places where they have few or none and establishing a foundation to provide scholarships to deaf children all over the world who can't pay for their schooling. But I have no idea how to make these dreams a reality. And sometimes when I put my feet on the ground for just a while, I start to feel vulnerable. Sometimes I feel small and weak, and maybe quite lonely. I really do miss my friends in Ft. Worth. I feel like there's next to nobody here that I can lean on quite like those friends there.

But despite all that, I've been happy overall. Happier, perhaps, than I have been in years. I think a large part of it has to do with being more aware of my need for 8 hours of sleep a night. Also, I think being surrounded by family helps. Sometimes having a boyfriend helps. Here's where I don't think there are concrete formulas. Maybe if you try a bunch of things, a few of them are bound to bleed over and do some good.

It seems like sometimes when you are on the brink of having all those answers, new questions arise or old questions reappear. Even though I'm just short of ecstatic that I am doing Deaf Ed., this week the thought hit me: I kind of wish I was doing something exotic. (I've wanted to be 'exotic' for a while, and have even contemplated moving to New Zealand, if only because I love their accents.) Like zoology. My passion as a child was animals. (I now remember that it was also playing school.) What would it entail to get a degree in zoology? More school and science courses than I am probably willing to cram down my throat.

I've had a few questions about love, too. Like when should you know it's the one? Here is where I feel formulas fall short. Yet I'm not sure how one ever comes to that answer. I've had about enough advice on this to last a lifetime, maybe three.

I also feel like there's a part of me that is not fully developed (does that make me unable to even try to imagine the person I'll end up with?). It's almost like I'm missing a piece of myself. Is it because I've been having issues with religion? I feel a little more shallow than I once did. I still greatly admire people of high morals, especially those who combine them with attitudes of tolerance, compassion, and open-mindedness. I want to change. I want to be described in those words. I just don't feel like I'm there today, and that bothers me. Maybe that's the crux of the issue with all these questions is I do not have the answers today, and tomorrow's not looking good either.

I guess sometimes we just have to learn to be content, maybe through a vast, extended period of life, with just knowing that we don't yet know. That life will never be perfect. It will have its ups and downs, but just because there are downs once in a while doesn't mean it's all wrong. And once in a while, you have to appease yourself by saying it's all gonna be okay, even if you're not sure it will.

This would be the coolest pet e v e r.

Aside from Lexie, Sofia, and Jack, of course. :)

in a moment of angst, she compares politics to card games.

i wish i could meet the most unbiased yet informed being in the world. [or universe]



politics. blarg. they are like some elaborate card game in which [hopefully] you know the rules well. yet you can't control the hand you're dealt. and you don't know the hand everyone else has been dealt. and you may act on your best insticts, with the biggest heart, yet it all may be futile. you will never know everything that goes on behind the scenes. and you will never know for sure if a move was the right move until the game is all over. but here's the deal:

the game never ends.





i'm so glad i'm majoring in deaf education and not poly sci.

What do you look for in the guy you'll marry?

Who do you expect to be for him?

Do you believe in love at first sight, an instant connection, or that love grows with time?

Dear God,

Am I dramatic? Or just emotionally invested? Spoiled? Expectations too great? Or none of the above? And whatever I am, is it negative?

Love,

B

Cool Accento

Ok, so I'm the self-proclaimed nerd of the century, but I thought this site was crazy cool, if not hilarious. It contains various recordings of people with all kinds of different accents saying the same paragraph. I personally enjoyed the Moroccan man entry. May I also note that it is quite sad that I thoroughly enjoyed reading the phonetic transcription on the right side. Enjoy.

Just go here.

Hope everyone had a fabulous Easter/break off school/whatever you do in early April. I know I had enough fantastic food to last me a week. And I mean not eating for a week straight. But if I did that, then those amazing leftovers would go to waste, and I'm not sure what crime that qualifies for, but I'm pretty sure you'd serve at least 6 months if you wasted food that good.

Hope everyone had a wonderful day full of meaning and closeness with those you love, regardless of your beliefs. I don't know if this Easter was very meaningful to me in a religious sense, but it was incredibly meaningful in a personal way. I feel so lucky to be near to so many people who words just can't describe their inner beauty.

I feel so lucky to be close to you.

Attack of the Pterodactyl

So it's quiet in the night and I am studying by lamplight (no, not really, I just said that for effect) and I hear this horrible noise directly behind me. You know, the kind that immediately makes you arch your back, jump out of the chair, and scream at the top of your lungs, all in .239 second. Apparently somebody let a young pteradactyl in the house, and seeing as how they are friendly creatures, it decided to follow me into my room. A person of ADD mind processes at times (or maybe just apathy, laziness if you will), I settle back into studying after swift cardio shock treatment for the heart attack I just experienced. The bird dive bombs my head! I shriek in terror once, twice, multiple times as it literally CHASES ME AROUND THE ROOM. Being the sensitive, caring soul that I am, I immediately reach for my slipper but then remember my New Year's resolution to have kind intentions toward all things living. Actually, I just didn't want to get fly juice on my wall. Okay, okay, and I just can't stand killing stuff. So, summoning up my metaphysical psychic powers, I close my eyes and will it to FLY TOWARD ME. Just as I wonder if it would actually work, the green beast is RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE! Elliciting, a final shriek, I run out the door. The bugger actually follows me into the hall. In a fit of desperation, I madly dash back into my room and slam the door.

Bug situation solved.