a poem for the swingers, a poem for the playgirls of the universe:

I like women who haven't lived with too many men or 

had too many one night stands.

I don't expect a virgin but I simply prefer a woman

who hasn't been rubbed dry by experience.

There is a quality about women who have chosen 

men sparingly;

it appears in their walk

in their eyes

in their laughter and in

their gentleness.

Women who have had many men

seem to choose each next

out of vengeance rather than 

feeling.

When one plays the field, one works against 

all purposes:

one can't create love or 

art.

You're finally left with the same 

commodity

you have given:

nothing. 

Some human beings are delicate things,

some human beings are delicious and wondrous 

things.

If you want to piss on the sun,

go ahead

but leave them

alone.

****

This is lovely.

I don't know where my friend got this; he said he stumbled it.

"If you want to piss on the sun, 

go ahead

but leave them 

alone."

I want to have little videoclips like this of my life.

These are incredible photos.  These make me want to do something colorful like photography for a career.  

Lately I've found myself wishing I had someone to come home to (besides roommates).  It's a gray evening, and I feel lonely after having spent the entire weekend with the loveliest, most fun people.  I find myself wishing for a husband, but I know that's not right for me right now.  I almost didn't want to post this for fear of it sounding needy.  But I don't think neediness is the issue.  I think that it's natural for people to want someone to just be there, even if you're not interacting.  I'm not getting married anytime soon; only thinking.  Just knowing the person you love most in the world is there with you in your home sounds like a wonderful way to live.  

Just a little happy blip to say that I'm excited and feeling positive about life.  : )

There will always be changes I'll probably want to make and dreams I'll wish to fulfill, but right now, in this moment, I'm happy.

Wow, it's been a while since I've been on.  I guess I haven't felt much like posting b/c not many other people have posted a lot lately.  That's not a very good reason for not posting, but I'm a comment snob, what can I say?

In truth, March and this whole semester have been a whirlwind.  I literally do not know where they have gone.  Time flies when you're having......drama and shit tons of homework and trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.  But I can't complain.  What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.  : P  Still, I'm glad my stomach's no longer eating itself due to stress like it was during December, January, and the better part of February.  And there's been some fun thrown in the mix (like spring break to DFW), so it hasn't been bad.

Not gonna lie, I'm still a bit hung up over the fact that I have so much school left, should I decide to follow my current (doctoral) plan.  I'm pretty sure I'm masochistic for voluntarily creating a life plan that involves more school, but I just can't think of another job that even comes close to how much I want to pursue Clinical (or maybe Counseling) Psychology.

I'm currently apartment hunting.  The problem is, all the ones I really want are out of my price range!  : P  But I'm sure that a less plush version will do just fine.  It will be SOOOOO nice to finally have my own place.  And not that I'm thinking of tying the knot anytime soon, but I can't imagine getting married and never having lived on my own.  I guess I've always known that's something I want to do before I get hitched.  So I may get it out of the way early, heh.  By the way, does anyone in the appropriate marrying age-range also feel WAY too young to get married?  I went to two weddings this weekend.  Yeah.

Good news--I've got both my practicum and research position nailed down for next year, so that's a HUGE relief and load off my shoulders.  It's a little scary because now it's feeling real.

Tonight, life is good.  I have a sleepy little sausage angel puppy lying on my bed (she was snuggling up against me earlier, which she rarely does, and it makes me so happy).  I'm studying for a test that is psychology-related (Applied Behavior Analysis), so the material is interesting (I'm secretly waiting for the promised class periods where she teaches us how to curb the behaviors of other adults in our lives, mwahahahaha).  In a few days I meet a never-before-met friend from Mexico for coffee.  Due to the approaching EastercoughSpring Holiday, the week's a 3-day week, so it should be a breeze.  So many opportunities and choices lie before me.  I can and will choose to focus on the positive.  If we're lucky, we only have 100 years; better make the most of every second.  Life is good.

http://iloveyoumorethanblank.com/

A Few Faves:

I love you more than a venti toffee nut with whip latte. woah.

I love you more than I love post-it noting and highlighting.

I love you more than Jack Barakat Britney Spears smothered in cupcake frosting.

I love you more than liberal bumper stickers on a mountain-scuffed nalgene.

And my personal favorite:

I love you more than cheese… I think. Yeah.. well, that’s a tough one.

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask youself what makes you come alive, and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Gil Balie

Interview Questions from Rachel.

1. You have been granted the power to change the world. What do you keep the SAME, and why?

I would continue this current atmosphere of change and hope.  It's an exciting time to be alive, and despite the very apparent things wrong with the world, so much good is happening.  I hope it continues this way.  I want my children someday to feel this, too.

2. Do you have a hero? If so who? (Please do not name a famous person or figure--who in your personal life do you consider heroic or admire?) If not, why?

My dad and mom.  I know that's the cheesiest answer imaginable, but I'm not sure I've met more incredible people than my parents.  My dad, a hero for making his dreams come alive and for doing so many selfless things with me in mind.  My mom, for her overwhelmingly tireless generosity and gentle spirit.  I couldn't imagine a better parental combination.  

3. I have called you a sentimental sap. Is there anything for which you are NOT sentimental? What thing or person inspires you to passionate loathing?

Coconut bras inspire me to passionate loathing, along with anyone who wears them.  Frat boys wearing them makes me particularly irate.  And for this reason, my dearie old mom brought me some from Hawaii.  I can't believe I've touched the monstrosities.

4. Ok. Stop thinking. Just lean back, close your eyes, take several deep breaths. Stop thinking...Now, whats the first thing that comes to mind when I ask you what you want to do that will make you happy? Happy now, not necessarily for the rest of your life--that would be thinking too much, just tell me about now.

Go to a remote tropical island and lay in the sunny sand completely naked.

5. Did you stop doing this, and go do that instead?

Nope.

6. You have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to have dinner with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, and Confucius. Where do you go, what do you order, and who picks up the check?

Rach, you know I don't do religion.  A lustier side of me would have lunch with Marilyn Monroe at a posh, upscale NYC restaurant.  Marilyn would pick up the tab, of course, she's generous that way.  The more whole side of me would have lunch with my soulmate.  In that case, I might prepare a special meal.  

a wordless mood,

seen not heard

the stars are too bright

and turn down the dancing melody

so i can simply breathe,

weep and think,

dream of lives that were meant to be.

still, soft, the warmth of your touch,

your voice calm, low, true

incites the force that created the world inside me,

the very power to make the sun 

stand still, and all the earth besides.

i love you,

i don't know what to do.

i wrote it all for you.

REUTERS Anthropologists have recently uncovered a startling find. Atheism is now believed to have a lone commandment...

Thanks, Kevin.

I wish so much that this was true.  If I could see any dog again, it would be the stray I hit with my car out in the country about a year ago.  If somehow I could apologize to her (?) and convey to her in some way how sorry I am.  To tell her what a wonderfully perfect dog she was; that she would be a dog I'd be so proud and thrilled to own.  I don't know if she's alive or dead, but that perfect dog haunts me with her large red brown spots and beautiful long white hair perfect for burying your face in.  In an alternate life, I'd take such good care of you.  I love you.

Britt's Four Steps to a Fabulous Life:

1. Be happy.  Sometimes I feel this is harder for me than for other people.  I'm working on it.

2. Find someone who makes you come alive and laugh often.  And who is just as happy taking you out to dance the night away as he is to quietly sit by the fire with a glass of red wine, reading a book and holding you close.

3. Doing a deeply fulfilling career that helps people.

4. Making a positive influence on as many lives as possible; making anyone's life brighter if you can.

I wish I was doing all four of those steps in my life right now, but I recognize the absence of several of those steps.  I guess there are waiting phases in life, too.  I'll just keep telling myself that.  In truth, life is okay right now, but I feel like it could be a lot better.  For starters, I feel that I'll never be blissfully happy while I'm in school.  School is not my best environment emotionally.  Yet I realize the importance of school in terms of it getting me what I want for the rest of my life.  What is 5 more years of subpar happiness compared to a lifetime of doing something you love?  I just don't know what or if there's anything I can change to make it better, or if I need to just wait it out.  I'm at quite a crossroads in more ways than one, and some of the decisions are proving to be very difficult to make.  Remind me, how do normal agnostic people make major life decisions?  : P

What are your four steps to a fabulous life?  I might even allow you five.  ; )

Gay in Iran Documentary

Part 1

Part 2

**Update**

You can donate to help rehabilitate animals harmed by the wildfires here:

http://www.zoo.org.au/news/save_injured_wildlife

****

Rescuing Baby Koalas and the Tragic Loss of Human Life

Sometimes it's the little things in life that make you cry.

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2009/02/090212-burned-koala-photo.html

And the audio link on this site is absolutely heartbreaking yet beautiful.  A good 5 minutes well-spent:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=100714467&ft=1&f=1004

I desperately want to go rescue baby koalas from the wildfires of Australia.  I'd also love to go help rescue the people there, of course, but that's generally left to the experts.  I don't mean to minimize the tragic loss of human life by any means.  However, people, it seems, are usually the first to be taken care of in situations like this, and the poor, innocent animals often are left to fend for themselves.  If I could, I would go over there this minute to help.  On NPR's site comments, one person was outraged about how people focused on the koala story instead of hundreds of people dying.  I can feel the pain in that, yet it reminds me that as humans, death toll numbers are often so "far away" and surreal to us.  News stations often don't release the graphic details about people suffering that they might about the animals.  In the audio clip, the reporter didn't say a whole lot about details regarding the people, other than that whole towns have been incinerated by the wildfires and that folks, instead of saying "See ya later" are hugging and telling everyone to "Be safe."  Which is incredibly tragic.  However, hearing about koalas desperately hunting for water and walking around scorched forest floors on burnt paws gives such a vivid visual picture.  Maybe the visual picture is what made people respond to that story more.  Maybe the fact that it was unusual.  Maybe people are deeply uncomfortable with their own mortality and therefore choose to focus more of the plight of animals than the tragedy of 200 human deaths.

I contacted the animal sanctuary to see where would be a good place to donate to help animals injured by the fires.  If they send me any more information on that, I'll post it.  And I'm trying to find a site accepting donations to help people--if you find one, please let me know.  

Don't Divorce Love.  Love cannot be voted away.

Petition the Supreme Court to invalidate Proposition 8.

"Fidelity": Don't Divorce... from Courage Campaign on Vimeo.

If you think you have a rough life, just go here:

http://www.fmylife.com/

Most days I feel more lumpyass than badass.  : p  

Too bad the ice cream won't make it go away.

Confessions

Man, nobody's blogging anymore.  : (

Oh well, I guess you shouldn't do it for anyone but yourself.  Still, it's fun when people participate.  Then again, I can't really talk b/c I average about a post every week or two.

It's weird, I love stories, but I feel like I'm not very good at writing them.  I used to think I was a good writer until I was thrown into the bigger pond of college.  Then again, maybe if I did it regularly, I'd be better.  We're all our own worst critics.  Maybe I'll start writing a little bit every day (though probably not posting every day).  It would be a tragedy for the Girl Who Loved Stories' life to go undocumented.  I think everyone owes their children stories.  We need to know where we came from.  I wish I knew more about my parents when they weren't parents.  Do the stories really get that fuzzy through time?  Or does their very nearness, the way stories hang on the tips of our tongues, drive parents to hold them as secrets, because they're the last secrets they have from us?

The thing is, blogging doesn't fully capture all of my stories, because I often water them down since they're public.  

I've been noticing a need in my life for better self-care.  Particularly in terms of cooking/getting better meals for myself, exercising, relaxing, and being more organized.  All that feels a little overwhelming, though.  Organization makes me feel smothered and tied down.  Yet it is so helpful for basic, daily functioning.  Curse the artist in me.

Contemplating going to grad school feels REALLY overwhelming.  And I don't know if it's overwhelming because of the nature of the degree I may want to pursue (Clin. Psych. is super competitive), my lack of knowledge of it, or if it means I'm not cut out for it.  I wonder if it's overwhelming for me sometimes b/c I am so artistic/creative and it is so scientific and structured.  I don't know if I'd learn to live with and love the structure, and draw creative elements into that, or if it would stifle me.  In some ways, research really appeals to me despite its very scientific/structured nature because there are so many questions I want to answer about people.  And I wonder if I'd like that structure once I learn how to do it better.  I need to go shadow someone and ask them all these questions instead of writing them down on my blog.

I also feel a bit overwhelmed with school, mostly because if I never heard another thing about teaching, I'd be ecstatic.  Yet I feel the driving urge to excel b/c I need those grades to get into grad school.  On so many levels it would be appealing to take the easy road and just get whatever job after I graduate this May, but I don't know if I'd be truly happy with that plan.  I might be really disappointed later on.  

But life isn't bad these days, sometimes I just need to write all these things down.

"I want to give it to her, but I don't know what 'it' is."

*Warning:  viewer discretion advised.

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=30768563

Literally laughing out loud.

http://getmortified.com/