Wow, it's been a while since I've been on.  I guess I haven't felt much like posting b/c not many other people have posted a lot lately.  That's not a very good reason for not posting, but I'm a comment snob, what can I say?

In truth, March and this whole semester have been a whirlwind.  I literally do not know where they have gone.  Time flies when you're having......drama and shit tons of homework and trying to figure out what you want to do with your life.  But I can't complain.  What doesn't kill me will only make me stronger.  : P  Still, I'm glad my stomach's no longer eating itself due to stress like it was during December, January, and the better part of February.  And there's been some fun thrown in the mix (like spring break to DFW), so it hasn't been bad.

Not gonna lie, I'm still a bit hung up over the fact that I have so much school left, should I decide to follow my current (doctoral) plan.  I'm pretty sure I'm masochistic for voluntarily creating a life plan that involves more school, but I just can't think of another job that even comes close to how much I want to pursue Clinical (or maybe Counseling) Psychology.

I'm currently apartment hunting.  The problem is, all the ones I really want are out of my price range!  : P  But I'm sure that a less plush version will do just fine.  It will be SOOOOO nice to finally have my own place.  And not that I'm thinking of tying the knot anytime soon, but I can't imagine getting married and never having lived on my own.  I guess I've always known that's something I want to do before I get hitched.  So I may get it out of the way early, heh.  By the way, does anyone in the appropriate marrying age-range also feel WAY too young to get married?  I went to two weddings this weekend.  Yeah.

Good news--I've got both my practicum and research position nailed down for next year, so that's a HUGE relief and load off my shoulders.  It's a little scary because now it's feeling real.

Tonight, life is good.  I have a sleepy little sausage angel puppy lying on my bed (she was snuggling up against me earlier, which she rarely does, and it makes me so happy).  I'm studying for a test that is psychology-related (Applied Behavior Analysis), so the material is interesting (I'm secretly waiting for the promised class periods where she teaches us how to curb the behaviors of other adults in our lives, mwahahahaha).  In a few days I meet a never-before-met friend from Mexico for coffee.  Due to the approaching EastercoughSpring Holiday, the week's a 3-day week, so it should be a breeze.  So many opportunities and choices lie before me.  I can and will choose to focus on the positive.  If we're lucky, we only have 100 years; better make the most of every second.  Life is good.

Confessions

Man, nobody's blogging anymore.  : (

Oh well, I guess you shouldn't do it for anyone but yourself.  Still, it's fun when people participate.  Then again, I can't really talk b/c I average about a post every week or two.

It's weird, I love stories, but I feel like I'm not very good at writing them.  I used to think I was a good writer until I was thrown into the bigger pond of college.  Then again, maybe if I did it regularly, I'd be better.  We're all our own worst critics.  Maybe I'll start writing a little bit every day (though probably not posting every day).  It would be a tragedy for the Girl Who Loved Stories' life to go undocumented.  I think everyone owes their children stories.  We need to know where we came from.  I wish I knew more about my parents when they weren't parents.  Do the stories really get that fuzzy through time?  Or does their very nearness, the way stories hang on the tips of our tongues, drive parents to hold them as secrets, because they're the last secrets they have from us?

The thing is, blogging doesn't fully capture all of my stories, because I often water them down since they're public.  

I've been noticing a need in my life for better self-care.  Particularly in terms of cooking/getting better meals for myself, exercising, relaxing, and being more organized.  All that feels a little overwhelming, though.  Organization makes me feel smothered and tied down.  Yet it is so helpful for basic, daily functioning.  Curse the artist in me.

Contemplating going to grad school feels REALLY overwhelming.  And I don't know if it's overwhelming because of the nature of the degree I may want to pursue (Clin. Psych. is super competitive), my lack of knowledge of it, or if it means I'm not cut out for it.  I wonder if it's overwhelming for me sometimes b/c I am so artistic/creative and it is so scientific and structured.  I don't know if I'd learn to live with and love the structure, and draw creative elements into that, or if it would stifle me.  In some ways, research really appeals to me despite its very scientific/structured nature because there are so many questions I want to answer about people.  And I wonder if I'd like that structure once I learn how to do it better.  I need to go shadow someone and ask them all these questions instead of writing them down on my blog.

I also feel a bit overwhelmed with school, mostly because if I never heard another thing about teaching, I'd be ecstatic.  Yet I feel the driving urge to excel b/c I need those grades to get into grad school.  On so many levels it would be appealing to take the easy road and just get whatever job after I graduate this May, but I don't know if I'd be truly happy with that plan.  I might be really disappointed later on.  

But life isn't bad these days, sometimes I just need to write all these things down.

I think I need to write this down for the world to see, just so my head doesn't explode.

Clinical Psychology

Pros:

~Getting a sense of fulfillment from work by directly helping people.

~Widening the knowledge base through research.

~Psychology in general is fascinating to me.  

~I love the idea of helping people become healthier and happier.  What better thing could you do for a person?

~A variety of career options within the field:  be a therapist, teach, or research.  

~A variety of places you could work:  private practice, in a hospital, in a university, in many other places, I'm sure...

~Tons of different topic areas to explore.

~Personal growth resulting from the information you have to learn in school.  Most of the psychologists and psychology majors I've met have been absolutely lovely, fascinating people I'd want to be around all the time.  I know I would grow and understand myself more as a person if I were in this field.

Cons:

~I wonder if I could handle being around "down" to mentally disturbed people all day.

~A slight risk of physical harm from patients.

~LOTS of paperwork.  I HATE paperwork.

~Insurance, aka "Notes from the Dark Side."

~LOTS of schooling.  I'm rather disenchanted with school at the moment, but still feel like I would enjoy going to school for Clinical Psychology.  Not to mention that getting into a program is almost as competitive as med school programs.  Yikes!

~Would I actually enjoy research?  All I know is I hate statistics and often find my eyes glazing over when reading scientific research articles.  Would this improve with more exposure to the material?

~Maybe I wouldn't make quite as much money as I would with a doctorate or even master's degree in another field.  Then again, I could live quite comfortably.

Fashion Design

Pros:

~Creating beautiful things.  A colorful job.

~Improving the choices of what's out there.  This is a driving factor:  I chronically find myself disappointed with the clothing on the market.

~Potential to work for myself.

~Potential to live in exotic locales:  NYC, Paris, London, Milan, Tokyo...

~Only one to two years of additional schooling required.

~I feel like I have an exceptional amount of ideas for clothes, and am pretty creative when put on the spot, so this could really work for me.

~If you make it big, you can make well over $100K a year.  Whoo!

Cons:

~I didn't pour over Vogue magazines or constantly design clothes as a little girl.  Is my heart in it enough?

~You usually have to pay your dues before making it big, if you ever make it big.  Would I really be happy as a designer's assistant?  I'm not sure I would.  Then again, "if you never try, you never know..."

~I might have to live in a big city the rest of my life.  Not sure I'm okay with that.  Definitely don't think Shawn's okay with that.

~A lot of your success is based on luck and connections.

~I've never really followed styles--would that be a problem?  Probably.  Then again, I might follow style if my livelihood depended on it.

~I worry that most of the people I'd be around would be superficial.  I can't stand superficial people, and I don't believe that clothing drives the sway of life.

~I worry/know that the job wouldn't be as glamorous as I picture in my mind.

If you have any thoughts, please comment!