Learning to Stay

While reading a book (by Debra Lynne Katz) today, I realized how often I back away when something even hints at becoming uncomfortable.  I think one of the reasons I barely dated for most of high school and the first part of college was that I immediately saw imperfections in people and translated them as being an uncomfortable situation (I was afraid I would have to break it off, so I just never started it).  But often in life we must go through uncomfortable moments to achieve our ultimate goals.  We have to be the new one in the club or launch out and try something new or simply go through the discomfort of staying with something during the rough parts (relationships, hobbies, spirituality, etc.).  The beauty of a spiritual practice like meditation or visualization is that it teaches you to keep returning to it and to stay, even if it brings up unpleasant feelings.  We must work through these unpleasant times in order to become stronger, indeed, to become our best selves.  What if we faced life knowing that uncomfortable situations will arise, but resolved ourselves to take the bull by the horns and stay with it rather than fleeing?  Imagine what our lives might be like!  Of course, there is a difference between discomfort and knowing a situation should not be part of one's life (this could be a whole post in itself).  But staying instead of leaving when things make you uncomfortable and discovering why this discomfort arises and how it can be resolved, I can see this making us stronger, more self-aware people.

Stained glass windows spattered with blood and love

I was horrified when I read this article about a shooting at the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville, TN. 

When reading most news articles about savage violence, I often leave the article depressed about 'how our world's going to pot' and how there are so few good people left and yadah yadah yadah.

But as I read this article by the Associated Press, I couldn't help but observe the profound love that could not be hidden, even by unthinkable cruelty. A deacon actually stood in front of bullets and died so other people didn't have to die. A husband/father made sure his family was safe and then threw himself back into the possibility of harm so he could pin down the gunman. The gunman was not even injured--the congregation simply pinned him down, removed the gun, and waited for help to arrive.

But what we often fail to remember with acts of violence, or even ignorance or anger, is that these actions bear witness to a void of love. People who exhibit these behaviors often have lived loveless lives for years, and so they turn to inflict evil upon the very thing they need and crave the most.

This is why we must never give up on loving--why love should always be our greatest guide. Life devoid of love is pain, worthlessness, hollow, alone. Whatever our religion, thought, lifestyle, and creed, let us strive to be people who make every effort to keep acts like this from happening, who apply love in early and late stages of need to a world that is so clearly desperate for any kind of loving gesture and touch.

i feel lonely today.

i feel like a bit of a snob. the new hairstylist i tried for the first time today reminded me of it. i said something about how the place where she got her tattoos is supposed to be the best place in town. she said she thinks all artists are great. i guess deep down i think all artists are great in their own way, too. i may not enjoy or be profoundly moved by their work, but i greatly respect anyone who uses their creativity (ethically). expressing your art is truly a gift you give to all the world.

i need to be more humble. i realize this is a healthy, vital characteristic in life. how do you become more humble? sign up to serve people somehow?

i think sometimes i get snobby when i feel insecure. she made me feel a bit insecure: she was so loud and THERE IN MY FACE. that kind of personality. but i like how she cut my hair (although i feel bad about not going to my friend who cuts hair, but i just needed something different), and maybe i can learn something from the bohemian girl with gold bangles and tattoos all up one arm.

Big news:  Shawn and I are going to Orlando for spring break!!!!

I plan to spend an entire day unflinching and immobile; sprawled out on the beach.  And I mean I want people to poke at me to see if I'm dead or alive.  That is how sprawled out I will be!

And my birthday was fantastic.  School was cancelled due to snow, and I got to spend the entire day lounging around with Shawn.  We went to Barnes & Noble (I can't survive without going there at least twice a week!  Obsessive?  I think so!) and then had dinner with two friends at Applebee's. 

Shawn got me the sweetest gift--dancing lessons for two!  This was a real sacrifice, since he's been, shall we say, "hesitant" in the past about dancing, to say the least.  Now I really can't wait for his ankle to be better!  (Hopefully in time for Orlando!)

This Sunday I'm throwing a belated birthday tapas and sangria fiesta!  I wish you all could be there!

Lately, too, I've had an increased interest in spirituality.  I've been reading some spiritual books; one called A Woman's Path and one called Essential Spirituality:  Seven Practices to Awaken the Heart and Mind.  Yes, I'm too lazy to link those.  I highly recommend A Woman's Path.  I feel like simply reading it is a spiritual experience!  I haven't gotten far enough in the other one, but it seems really good so far.  

I feel so lucky.  Life is good.  (Hence the many exclamation points that I just now noticed but opt to sleep instead of change them.)